I've been married almost 11 years, second marriage. One thing that has always bothered me is that my husband controls all the purse strings. Frankly, I have absolutely no clue where he banks, just an idea. I don't know what he has for available funds...everything is a well guarded secret for the hubby. Checking, savings, investments, land he owns. ( he is a building contractor, and also builds spec houses on land he buys up) This is a rather unusual relationship and often frustrating for me because if anything ever happened to him I would be in the dark. I decided to create my own security. I can't change his ways...I guess somewhat mistrusting after his first marriage ended! I need to take care of myself! And I am quite capable or at least have convinced myself I am.
My first goal was to go back to work. I went back to substituting for the school system. $70.00 a day...7-2. I see $63.63 for every day I work in my paychecks. Now, the hubby wants me to share bills (but not housework and cooking!) Seems difficult but I'm going to pay according to my income. He definitely makes more so It must be fair. I want to put so much in savings each pay period. My own personal expenses can be played with as I'm pretty frugal!
Another goal is to sell my crafts for the extra income. It's all going to be a challenge but I am ready!
Life Crisis
September 15th, 2006 at 06:27 am
September 15th, 2006 at 12:12 pm 1158322321
Wow - you do have an interesting home setup. Even the bank statements don't come to the house?
Congratulations on deciding to take care of yourself and your financial priorities.
Could you ask him for at least a one year reprieve on sharing the bills until you at least get your feet under you?
September 15th, 2006 at 02:24 pm 1158330254
I agree with Lux about asking for a repreive while you get your savings built a little.
Im not sure I would have your trust and patience regarding the family finances-- But kudo's to you for making it work for your family and for figuring out a solution that works for you!!
September 15th, 2006 at 06:31 pm 1158345081
If you find (or get) one of his cancelled checks, try this... look for the first set of numbers on it. This should be the routing number. Routing number in hand, go to www.bankrate.com, and look up your local banks. All banks have a specific, unique routing number so that banks can communicate efficiently with one another. The routing number won't tell you the exact branch, but it will tell you Bank of America versus WaMu versus ING.
The second set of numbers will tell you his account number, and right next to that is his check number. With those numbers, you know his checking account.
September 15th, 2006 at 07:19 pm 1158347982
My knee jerk reaction is that your husband is very protective over his money.
That's well and good and all, but as you have stated, what about you? What will happen to you if anything should happen to him, and you are not able to access those funds?
I'm all for protecting one's finances. Believe me! However, I wouldn't so far as to make is such that it can end up hurting a significant other. From my perspective, the whole idea of money is to protect everyone you care about, not just yourself.
How ever you feel about your relationship, I don't blame you at all for feeling the need to save some money of your own.
September 15th, 2006 at 07:56 pm 1158350195
September 15th, 2006 at 08:45 pm 1158353138
September 16th, 2006 at 12:43 am 1158367386
I don't think there is anything wrong with having individual private financial arrangements, many married couples do, but I'd be asking WHY it was so important to him. There might be a logical emotional weird reason, or it may be a giant red flag.
Now you see, if you put your personal life out here on a blog, we are all going to share your life with you
Good to see you here! Welcome, and PLEASE blog away! And let us know how we can help, even if it means backing off. We're friendly, but opinionated!
September 16th, 2006 at 05:07 pm 1158426469
I couldn't agree more with the above posters. This seems like an unhealthy relationship at the moment. Keep us posted and good luck with your endeavors.
September 19th, 2006 at 12:18 am 1158625127
I couldn't live in a relationship where my spouse did not trust me with financial information, or if he did not trust me period. It would throw my security base out the window and security is my number one issue. I hope for your sake that there are good things in the relationship that compensate for the tight-fisted money ways.
September 19th, 2006 at 05:11 am 1158642695
I will try to sit down with him and discuss the importance of knowing all about "his" finances. He knows all of mine! Heck, he opens all my mail and bank statements. I do not do this a he would throw a fit and that makes him tighten security more. He keeps all of his paperwork in a big file and briefcase in his locked truck. Even his wallet is locked in it at night! Silly, just plain silly! My parents were not at all like this so it is hard for me to understand. I think his father was very much like he is, that's where it comes from. They are divorced of course, and have been since he graduated from high school. I think his mom just could not cope with his father's domineering ways. I think this is why I now feel the need to recreate my life. Just tell me if I'm being overly cautious!